Politeness
Politeness is one interesting word. According to the dictionary definition it has to do with showing good manners in both behavior and words. It has to do with being courteous, considerate, civil, gentle, and respectful. Being polite requires the practical application of awareness of others. The opposite is the antonyms of the previous description. I understand that the opposite of politeness could be summarized in one word: ‘jerk’. I prefer a more polite definition I used several times before to describe that behavior or type of person if you will: ‘an contemptibly obnoxious person’.
I learned through the years to observe people’s behavior from an analytical standpoint with no intention of judging but to seek understanding. Beyond academic level, naturalization, culture, position, type of job, age, religion, or other social categorizations. I like to see people. Everything else is sometimes an excuse to hide what we really are. In my daily observations I see all kinds of behavior. If you ask me, politeness is like learning to draw, paint, sculpt, learning a sport, playing a musical instrument, or singing. All these things can be learned but not all come naturally to us. You can tell when someone is doing things mechanically because they practice or because it is how it is done in an acceptable manner, but it is not something that flows from that person. Take it from me. I have pictures as a kid with many musical instruments, I went to music lessons, tried to learn how to play the saxophone, the bass, and the guitar, and nothing. I don’t make me tell you about my singing.
How to be polite can be learned, and should be learned. Better yet it should be taught. My family knows that we can’t order food in a restaurant or even a ‘drive-thru’ without the proper acknowledgement of the person serving us at that moment. You say the “good morning”, or whatever applies, followed by “How are you?”, “May I”,”please”, and “thank you”. This is not a script. It needs to flow and it needs to be real with everyone. Sadly our society is lacking the capacity of politeness because each person is focused inwardly and seeking only their own personal satisfaction and selfish desires. That is what flows naturally through many people. I understand that certain traces of personality and insecurities that come with antecedents and social upbringing may play a part in how people relate to one another, but still that is no excuse for not being polite.
Politeness can be learned and should be taught as I mentioned before. In a society where people only love themselves it makes a great difference not only for social health, but for physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Good manners matter. Some people fake it and others follow the rules mechanically trying to let it flow, while others are ‘naturally’ polite. Others rely upon a greater source of ‘power’ to relate to people. As people we have many flaws and fall in the behaviors that satisfy our selfish nature…
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-33
Believing and questioning seem like opposite practices. However, they can dance together a beautiful ballet. I have been reading the textbook for my next job (which I am not revealing yet). The book A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger is all about questioning. This questioning it discusses is all about asking the right question to achieve change. I am enjoying this book a lot. I will eventually share more about this book and the experiences that will come with it. I am re-learning to question to achieve results and not to try to go in circles with questions with no answer or multiple answers that only depend on faith and ‘proving’ a point philosophically. Those kind of questions are more like excuses to take control and responsibility for life itself. Questioning for the sake of questioning and trying to prove a point is also a way to show a lot of insecurities as arguments take nowhere. A lot of people can’t resist ‘losing it’ when they either get challenged or because they get ignored. Some people is just argumentative and their questions are just a way to get attention instead of chasing questions to promote change.
Have you ever had one of those weeks? You might know what I am talking about here. There are weeks when a lot of things decide to happen together. Last week was one of those weeks for me when so many great things happened together that I am still trying to recount them all. I am so thankful for each one of this blessings. Among all those blessings, I had the opportunity to teach three nights, three different subjects: basic computer skills, painting, and sculpting. Of course, on each one many other teaching opportunities came along. My wife says that no matter what I am doing I find the chance to teach something. I can’t stop myself from teaching something, because I learn through teaching.
Being an educator is a challenge but it is also an amazing blessing. It doesn’t matter what the subject is. In ancient Greece the concept of subjects was technically the concept of branches of practice but it came from the three of knowledge and had to be connected to its trunk and rooted in practical life. Subjects were not isolated concepts. Specializations, so to speak, had a purpose in service. Switching subjects was a continuum. Math and music could be having a discussion together, and philosophy could assist the conversation inviting science to share its point of view while a poet put to rhythmic speech the historical account of the piece of art being created with the brush or under the chisel.
On that thought, I begin my week still in awe and spiritually refreshed after witnessing how 43 individuals made a profession of faith last night through baptism at 
Not too long ago I wrote about a pencil drawing that inspired a few more sketches and a few other ideas. It ended up being a three way interpretation of the same image. I played around with four or five more sketches and then decided to paint. After an amazing private painting night with the ladies of the Orange CT Chamber of Commerce 
one has the extra long hair. It was a lot of fun adding all that extra paint around the figure. I tried to keep the figure as monochromatic as I could. Based on this result I decided to paint the other two on longer canvases I wanted to recycle. That’s something you maybe didn’t know. When people talk about the mysteries of Leonardo’s multilayered paintings I just laugh. Sometimes, not to say many times, I paint over paintings I don’t like that much, and over again. 
Embrace Change
I would hate to live the same things over and over again for many years. It makes me think of Forest Gump and how there were the same people doing the same thing for years and years. My hometown is like that too. I love my hometown of Mayagüez, Puerto Rico. The feeling of revisiting my roots is always great and makes me realize I couldn’t stay there. People do the same things they did when I was a little kid. If they had no successors they left an empty space, a building falling apart along with the memories. In very few cases they left the task to their children who are now doing exactly the same. I couldn’t do that. I have so much to see and do elsewhere.
Looking back at the goals I designed for myself I can’t be anything but thankful. My life changes constantly. Some changes are drastic, but others are small and building up in multiple directions. At the beginning of the year I had some goals that multiplied and others that stopped or slowed down. I was looking one way to accomplish something but opportunities came from a different direction (and keep coming) to accomplish something else. Life keeps moving and goals keep reshaping themselves. It is perfect!
Living under the lie that we can plan and control everything in our lives will only leave us disappointments. Don’t get me wrong: planning is important. However, being capable of flexibility and adaptation to changes is even more important. Rigid trees break with the wind. Flexible ones move with and stay planted and strong. Embrace change!
Speaking About It
WorkBench: Sculpt Your Brain
Join us for this talk
Thursday, May 21, 12:00 pm at The Grove, 760 Chapel Street, New Haven, CT
Free admittance: More Info and RSVP
Join our Sculpting and Painting Parties
More info
Share this: